Under One Roof, co-authored by Emily K. Graham, Angel L. Vargas, and John L. Graham, explores the challenges and unexpected benefits of multigenerational living, offering practical insight into caregiving, housing, healthcare, and family relationships in today’s modern American household. In this Q&A, John L. Graham talks with Book Glow about the book and its timely themes.

What personal or professional moment first made you realize that multigenerational living would become one of the defining family issues of our time?

In 1997 my dean asked me to write an article making predictions about the year 2020 for our business school magazine. That article is an appendix in all three editions of Under One Roof. In doing the research for the article I checked the demographic changes expected based on demographics. The population pyramid showed the tsunami of baby boomers that is now crushing our pension and healthcare systems. At the time it was easy to see, one of the key salves would be a turn to multigenerational living. Thus, the title of our first edition in 2007 was Together Again.

You describe Under One Roof as offering ‘exciting opportunities for invention’ for modern families. What does that look like in everyday, real-life living situations?

For the book we have interviewed more than 100 families that were living in multigenerational housing arrangements. The book is rich in advice, both positive and negative and about both the hardware and software of two generations of adults cohabitating. My favourite example was grandmother living in an accessory dwelling unit in the backyard. One of the house rules had the granddaughter bring her grandmother’s mail each day after school. That guaranteed daily interactions, allowing the parents to work full-time.

Many Americans associate multigenerational living with stress or loss of independence. What is the most common misconception you hope this book helps dismantle?

We know from our study of early humans that extended family living groups were the norm. Indeed, humans are designed to live together, to be interdependent in such close relationships. During the last half of the last century Americans and some Northern Europeans experimented with the concept of nuclear families. That experiment has delivered a generation of lonely grandmothers.

Your career has focused on negotiation and peacebuilding. How do those principles translate into navigating conflict, boundaries, and communication within a shared family home?

The concept of inventive negotiation which we feature as a chapter in Under One Roof was elaborated in another book of ours on that topic. Different from most business negotiations in the United States, it emphasizes the importance of long-term relationships developed and managed using creative tools. For example, we recommend asking a facilitator to help the members of an extended family meetings to discuss house rules, duties, and finances.

From your research, what are the biggest emotional—not logistical—challenges families face when aging parents and adult children share space?

Consistent in our research we found the concepts of privacy and proximity to be key. Some important approaches to balancing those two goals are having separate kitchens and entrances. Indeed, many American builders have followed our advice since 2007.

The book explores elders providing childcare. What have you found to be the most overlooked benefits of this arrangement, for both generations?

Both generations can provide physical care and loving interaction in such grand relationships. Those benefits work in both directions. That is, grandparents can be a huge help with the babies and the youngest children and teenagers can help their grandparents with transportation, shopping, etc.

As housing costs rise and elder care becomes less accessible, multigenerational living is often born out of necessity. How can families shift their mindset from “coping” to “collaborating”?

Sharing our book will help! And we recognise that all such arrangements cannot work because of family histories of conflict or personality differences. But many of the people we interviewed reported living in three generation arrangements to be wonderful.

You address difficult but essential topics such as hospice care and the death of a loved one. Why was it important for you to include these conversations in a book about family living?

Care at home, hospice, and death services are exploding in the United States as baby boomers hit their eighties. Their growing prevalence demands our attention to these difficult stages of life.

You studied cultural anthropology during your doctoral program at UC Berkeley. How has that training influenced your thinking about family structures and multigenerational living today?

That study and research have been important in two ways. First, the only times and places in the world where multigeneration living has not been the norm it has been in post WWII Northern Europe and the United States/Canada. Second, it helps us appreciate the practices and innovations immigrants bring to this country.

If readers take away just one guiding principle from Under One Roof, what would you want it to be as families face the realities of the twenty-first century.

Independence among humans is a myth. Yes, we Americans have our Declaration of Independence, but that’s about politics, not families. We are designed and happiest living with our close relatives, particularly in the current difficult times.

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